


Bite the Magatzu Izanagi

by Diego_Brando



Category: Persona 4, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Disguise, Dress, F/M, M/M, Stand Fights, trap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-05
Updated: 2014-09-05
Packaged: 2018-02-16 05:15:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2257197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diego_Brando/pseuds/Diego_Brando
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A serial killer who uses spirit ghosts to fight meets a serial killer who uses ghost spirits to fight.</p>
<p>Also tvs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bite the Magatzu Izanagi

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS VERY CRACK

Kira woke up, and touched his face. It was, as he was hoping, like he had left it before falling asleep last night. He had to check. There probably wouldn’t ever be anything that changed his face from it’s identifiable shape, but he checked all the same. Then he checked to see if his other problem was still occurring. Hand still on face, he drove his nails into his scalp to check if they were still growing.

 

They were. He rose, walked to his desk, and measured them. 2 centimeters. He felt as if it was time. He walked to his desk, and took out his records book. Since the last time he had met a girl, they had grown 28 centimeters. Yes. It was time. He turned, pulling his clothes off and throwing them towards the hamper. They would land, all according to his aim. As he walked by, a ghostly pink arm, gloved in black, emerged from his side and closed the lid of the hamper, slowly so as not to slam it. The arm became translucent again as it ghosted through the wall back into Kira’s body.

 

Kira rubbed his eyes and stepped into the shower as another ghostly hand emerged from him and turned the water on. Kira pulled his hands through his wet hair as the hands poured a handful or so of shampoo into his hair. He thought about the girl he was gonna meet today. He hoped she’d be pretty. He hoped she’d have a nice voice. And a cute smile. And most of all, pretty hands. He loved girls with smooth, pretty hands. And nice nails. He liked nice nails on everyone, which is why he tried so hard on his. But the idiot with broken or ripped nails, those people, he wanted to rip their nails from their fingers with Killer Queen and a pair of pliers, then stick the pliers into the holes and yank their bones out through it until their arms were flappy, empty husks he could tie around their throat and choke them to death with.

 

He finished showering, turned off the water, and allowed the spirit, evidently called “Killer Queen” to emerge from his body and hand him a towel. He rubbed his chest, face, and arms before tying the towel around his waist and bowing his head to allow Killer Queen to dry his head, then drape a towel around his neck to soak up water from his hair dripping onto his neck. He sat down on a stool in his bathroom, and began shaving the stubble from his face. When done, he stood up, finished toweling himself, and put on his underwear and an undershirt. He then sat down at his desk, took out his nail trimmers, and began slowly and carefully taking care of his nails.

 

Twenty minute later, he stood up, and took the suit Killer Queen was offering him. Putting on the jacket, he buttoned the suit then put on his pants while Killer Queen put on his tie. He put on his shoes, then straightened up and looked at himself in the mirror. Raising an eyebrow at himself and the spirit behind him, he turned, picking up his things for work as he left. He walked out the door as Killer Queen opened it. The spirit closed the door behind him and passed back into his body. He took one look behind him, and then turned back to see the bus park in front of him. He stepped onto it, and took a seat not at the front nor at the back, but in the unnoticeable middle. No one would spare him notice here.

 

Minutes later, he stepped off the bus. He walked into work. He performed his work. He occasionally drank from his mug of coffee.  He worked. Nothing truly of note. All he did was just work, work, work. Not that he minded. All he really wanted to do was work, eat, sleep, repeat. Until his nails had finally grown a total of thirty centimeters. Then he would meet a girl, then he was fated to meet a girl. Not at the office though. People would see him. People would notice the girl. So he would wait until he was unnoticeable. Unseeable. When no one would care to notice. He had to, had to wait until lunch. Then he was free to do what he wished. So he continued to work, and he waited. Until lunch.

 

He walked to an open air restaurant. His work had been performed. Sitting down at a table, he opened a menu. Before looking at the sandwiches, he looked around at everyone to see who he could see. He saw no one of note until he noticed someone with the menu covering their face. All he could see where their fingers… and their perfect nails. Them. They would be the one.

 

Kira stood up, pulled his chair in, and walked over to the nails. He sat down, and knocked on the table. The nice nails lowered the menu slowly, to reveal a woman in blond hair with bright red lipstick and heavy mascara. She had somewhat of a mannish jaw, but that wasn’t an issue. Her hands were gorgeous. And her nails were manicured, with pink cuticles and shiny tops. She pulled her hair out of her eyes, and in a sweet falsetto voice asked, “Can I help you?”

 

“You just may.” said Kira in his deep, domineering voice. “Are you here alone? Are you meeting someone today?”

 

“No. I’m alone… and why do you ask?” she asked Kira.

 

Ignoring her, he asked “Are you single..?”, raising his eyebrow.

 

“Yes… are you… asking me out..?” she asked, somewhat blushing.

 

“As a matter of fact, I am. How does now sound for a first date?” Kira asked, running his pointer and middle finger above his eyebrow, through his hair and behind his ear. He raised another eyebrow at the girl, the corner of his mouth raising in a half smile. He cocked his head, his hair flapping slightly in the wind. The girl, smiled, looked down, and blushed deeply. She nodded twice, giggling slightly. “Fantastic.” Kira said, lifting his glass to her. She also raised her glass up, and clinked it against his. She was too sloppy, and she dripped a bit of water onto his sleeve.

 

“Oops!” she said, sliding around the table to try to dry him off. Almost lowering herself onto his lap, she held his hand in hers and rubbed his wrist with a napkin. She then slowly lowered her hips onto Kira’s lap.

 

“What is your name?” he asked her, while she rubbed his sleeve.

 

“... Adachi…” she said, breathily.  “Who are you?”

 

He moved his other hand to her waist, gripping her tightly. “Kira.” he said, staring into her eyes. “I’m Kira.”

 

A waiter strode up to the two. “Are you… ready to order… sir and madam…?” He looked so unsure. He wasn’t even sure if they had heard him. He waved slightly, to attempt to get their attention. Kira reached up to hold Adachi’s slightly trembling chin between his thumb and forefinger.

 

“I know exactly what I want.” he said, staring into Adachi’s eyes.

 

One hour later, Kira had called in sick. Apparently he had eaten a bad clam, had to go home, lie down. Couldn’t continue working. He had vacation days anyway, and had already worked half a day. So he was sent home from the restaurant without much hassle or red tape. But Kira did not go home. Because he was not sick. He was… hungry. Not for food… for Adachi. He thirsted for her. In that hour, Kira had called his work, then called a hotel, then walked to the hotel, and made it to their room on a high floor. Kira unlocked the door, threw the do not disturb sign into the hall, allowing Killer Queen to catch it and hang it on the door as Kira closed it, Killer Queen phasing back into him.

 

Kira laid down on the bed, staring at Adachi. Adachi got onto the bed with him, putting one of her legs over Kira’s waist, lowering her hips onto Kira’s. Suddenly, Kira felt a bulge at the front of his pants. Adachi blushed, Kira lowered his eyebrows at him. He slid his hands up Adachi’s stomach and onto Adachi’s breasts. He grasped them tightly. He then allowed Killer Queen to manifest in his hands, temporarily giving him super strength and allowing him to yank his hands back and rip Adachi’s breasts off. Only they were not breasts. They were billiard balls. A cue ball and the 8. Kira slid his knee up between Adachi’s thighs, and kicked him directly in the stomach, throwing him from the bed and onto the floor.

 

“Who are you?” Kira yelled, Killer Queen flickering in and out behind him, not totally manifesting but almost. “Because you aren’t exactly who you said, notably you not being a WOMAN.”

 

“My real name is Adachi, and I am a man.” Adachi said, getting up and walking over to the tv. “I’m actually a serial killer.”

 

“What!?” said Kira, walking slightly closer to Kira.

 

“That’s right.” said Adachi, turning the tv on. “AND YOU’RE GONNA GO IN THE FUCKING TEEVEE” he shouted, grabbing Kira by the shoulders and pulling him towards the tv. Kira grabbed him by the wrists, and allowed Killer Queen to pop out of him and punch Adachi in the face. Killer Queen took Adachi’s hands out of Kira’s, and threw him at a wall. Shattering it, Kira stepped through the hole to see Adachi summon a card from nowhere, smash it and suddenly, a spirit rose out of his body, just like Killer Queen did for Kira. Kira, not giving him a chance to fight, picked up the two billiard balls, and handed them to Killer Queen. Killer Queen threw the 8 into the air, then chucked the cueball at it, smacking the crazy man with lipstick on in the eye. The ball bounced and Adachi caught it, and he glanced down for a second and back up at Kira.

 

“You could have picked something more… breast like.” Kira said, rolling his R's. “There’s few things harder than BILLIARD BALLS. You idiot.” Killer Queen leaned over behind him, curling his hand into a fist.

 

Adachi drew up his Stand after smashing the card, billiard in his hand still. “If you’re going to try to attack me, Magatsu Izanagi will protect me from anything you’ll throw at me. Try it.”

“I’ve already thrown it.” Kira said, straightening his tie. “KILLER QUEEN!! ACTIVATE! THE FIRST! BOOOMB!!!!” Killer Queen spun, clenching his fist, activating what was not a clenched fist but actually a detonator for a bomb. The billiard exploded, tossing Adachi backwards through a wall. Kira followed him, saying “That is my stand’s ability. I can make things into bombs.”

 

“Well, Izanagi can strike you down with EASE!! All I need you to do is to get within my sword’s range!!”

 

“Ah. Well. I have another stand to use. The second bomb! SHEER! HEART! ATTACK!!” he shouted, shaking his hand at Adachi. Killer Queen did the same, only his hand fell of and became a small tank. The tank spun its wheels, and raced after Adachi. Kira turned, walking away as explosions echoed behind him.

 

“Sheer heart attack… has. No. Weaknesses.” Kira said, turning out the door as Sheer Heart Attack drove back to him.

 

What a day. What a terrible, terrible day. He wished he could just start this whole day over.

 

 


End file.
